My blog turned 4 today!
I never really remembered it this year, but I went to my email almost instinctively, just to see this one mail that made me smile. It’s been four long years, and even though the magic’s not there anymore, tumblr will always be a part of my blood now. :3
あなたの側で 1 つをするしたいのですが
i want to be the one by your side
to tell you
—Chuck Palahniuk (via moonsulk)
I don’t know how I’d start writing this thing off. In fact, I don’t even know if I can still write, or if this can even be considered writing. But, if you’re reading this, then first of all, let me thank you for putting up with me through all these times.
I’ve been in quite a lot of ups and downs, yet here I am, I still live somehow. But don’t get me wrong, living in itself is still a joy to me. I still wake up every morning without thinking of the struggles I have to go through. I guess I’m lucky that I’ve been raised to see life in its brighter side. That, or I am just extremely optimistic that I don’t even care about shadows behind me.
But then again, we always have two face the two sides of the coin. Just because I care less about the bad things, it doesn’t mean I don’t feel them. I do. Actually, their grip is so strong that it suffocates me, little by little, day by day — its weight getting heavier as time passes by. But I am stronger. Or at least, I try to think I am. I may not have a lot, but I know that what I have is enough for survival. And though I am alone, I am not lonely — not anymore.
I have been walking through this life alone more than anybody can possibly think I have. In fact, I may have been in so much solitude that I can easily erase my existence when I walk into a room, that no one ever remembers that I was there. But I am already over all the sadness it brings. And solitude has all these merits, too. I could just think of a hundred things I would have done for myself, and in the process, think of the greatest questions in life and find the answers inevitably.
Through this, I have learned how to love myself, and in return, love the people around me more — the good ones and the not-so-good. Though love is yet another thing that is hard to comprehend. We live in a world where people say they’re friends but find it hard to trust each other, and it is a world where forgiveness is now a rare thing to give. It may be that pain is the universal truth and everyone else is just a coward who would choose to protect themselves than immerse in both the good things and the bad.
But I say, choose to love instead. For all the bad things shall pass, and though not all the good will remain, you will always have enough for the day. Now, now, go out of your bed and challenge this day with a smile.
With cheerful hopes and dreams,
The silver flames engulf the sky
And my heart may be torn asunder
But I will only offer myself to you;
Please accept me through this cross
As the untiring velvet moon
Adorns this secret room
With no one but the two of us,
Let me dance with you
This playful moment
Is like a candle lit by a gentle flame
And as I let you soften my heart
Begin to plunge me into your eternity
No one can break these chains of love
For you have cast a bewitching charm on me
And only you can absorb my primal instincts
As my forbidden melodies soar free
In a night that has forgotten to end
A fountain of stars lies trapped
Alone, it seems as it is praying
For a dream that it doesn’t need to awake from
And as a midnight orchestra resounded:
“Find me in the darkness that binds me
Oh, this sweet scent is driving me crazy
Please let it embrace me”
As the silver flames continue to dance in the sky,
And swallow everything there is
I will only ask you to be by my side -
My throbbing heartbeat will not stop
Our entwined souls will someday create a miracle
For I know that fate is predetermined
And even if I cannot change it
I shall breathe new life into it